There's a polaroid picture that I think about constantly. It haunts me. In it, I'm four, maybe five years old, and my dad and I are sitting on the kitchen floor playing with one of those Hot Wheels car sets they used to make in the 80's. This one was a parking garage with several floors and a spiral exit ramp the cars could be run down. What gnaws at me, though, is in this photo my dad is sitting next to me, leaning on his right hand, his legs bent and out to the side, and he is laughing like I've never seen him laugh. And I mean that, I don't ever recall seeing my dad laugh like that. Ever.
Did I make him laugh like that? I don't ever remember being able to do so, even though most of my friends would say I am a funny person. But for whatever reason, I've never felt like I could connect with my dad on a humorous level, and for me, that mean it was very difficult for to connect with him on any level. Of course, now that I'm older, this really worries me. I want to know my dad, and I want him to know me. Just as importantly, I want Oscar and Petar to know their grandfather.
I spent quite a bit of time as a young kid at my dad's parent's house in Michigan during summers of my childhood. I felt, at the time like I got on pretty well with my grandparents. But, the older we all got, the less and less we saw each other, and now, it's almost as if we're estranged. I haven't seen my grandparents in several years, much less talk to them. My dad and I see each other often, now that my family is back in Wisconsin, but it's been so difficult to make any real connection because every conversation, every interaction, has to do with Oscar and Petar. But I have a plan.
I want to create a record of my dad for Oscar and Petar, and for myself. My plan is to interview him on camera; to learn about his life and keep his stories to share with future generations. I have this feeling my dad is an amazing person, and as I gather snippets of his past, I get confirmation that my feeling is right on.
I am anxious to see where this goes. If it successful (why wouldn't it be?), I would like to take it further. I really want Oscar and Petar to have some sense of the people they're related to. So, making a record of stories of my dad's past will likely lead to recording stories from my mom, and hopefully my grandparent's too. Although, they are really getting old, so time is against me.
Although my dad is going to be here for quite some time - hopefully, thankfully - I want to get going on this project soon. I'm excited. I really hope we laugh together.
