Shit's getting pretty fuckin' real around here these days. It's good. All of it. But we're pretty tired. I knew this would happen - all our friends and family have been saying it would happen - but I felt like it was one of those things I couldn't really know until I experience it for myself.
Really, the hardest part is just waking up. Once I'm moving, it's not so bad. But stopping, even for a little bit, can sometimes bring about a crash. This is annoying to me because I've never been a napper, but at this point, I kind of have to.
The low point so far has been last Tuesday night. I spent all day running around, feeding and changing Oscar and Petar, and then I did a 2 hour ride with friends. I just had to get out and ride, and it felt fantastic, despite a terrible head wind on the way home. It must've been a steady 20 miles per hour. We got back to our place and had a couple beers on the porch while Rose and M.I.L.M. tended the boys. I suppose I had, like, half a beer too many, because when I was requested inside to feed Petar, I was dead tired. I could barely keep my eyes open. A shower didn't help, and I just felt terrible. Not drunk from the beer, but tired from the day. Dehydrated, too, but I didn't feel much like drinking water or anything, I just wanted to sleep.
I've been taking the late-night/early-morning shift since we brought them home, so I don't usually get to bed until one or two a.m. But this was the most difficult night so far; by far. Generally, I've got the energy to stay up and it doesn't really bother me. Sometimes I can doze off a bit before the one o'clock-ish feeding. But I was so tired, I couldn't even sleep. Plus, the food I ate gave me a stomach ache; it was bad. I hadn't felt so run down in a really, really long time.
When I woke up the next morning, I felt like complete dog shit. My mouth and throat were dry and my voice was hoarse. I could barely talk for a few minutes, and my voice was raspy the rest of the morning. Still, nothing is as cool as watching Oscar and Pete suck down a bottle of breast milk and formula. I could watch it all day. Then they burp and fart, and for me, that's hilarious. They say you're only young once, but you can be immature forever. I try to live by that.
That's what makes being so tired not matter that much: seeing these two boys being alive. Eating, breathing, making faces, flailing their arms and legs, pooping, peeing, burping, farting, crying, grunting. It's all so amazing, I forget about being tired.
